Hmm...women to tend to take advantage of the fact that most guys will take it easy on them, and I think it's BS. If you don't make it more competitive for the women, all they learn is to beat up on guys, which will get them in serious trouble if they try it for real. In my experience, quite a few women (who don't train seriously) come along just because they want to hurt guys because they have a chip on their shoulder about being smaller and weaker. They tend to leave after a few months (i.e. when someone does what you did and give back what they dish out).

IMHO, when she stepped it up, I would have asked "Oh, so you want to step it up, eh?" She'd either say yes (in which case she deserves what you gave her), or relax a bit when she realises you'd kick her ass.

What you did wasn't terrible, but asking first would have avoided any trouble. Still, at least she has learnt a lesson.

Originally posted by elipson
Ok, so I was at Grappling class last night, and I get paired up with this young girl (18ish) who's new to the club. I had never actually talked to her much, but seen her training in the club. She's a wrestler here in town so she's actually fairly good; she was throwing around one of our blue belts pretty good during a sumo type drill.

Anyways, we start working on our techniques and we're getting along pretty good, joking and stuff (I think she was kinda flirting with me, which was uncomfortable as she's still in highschool and I'm a junior at Uni). We start practicing one choke (we call it a lawnmower choke, from the rear mount, one hand under the chin pulling up on the gi across the neck) and she starts pulling pretty hard. I don't really care, I'm used to that kind of thing. When I go to try it on her, she starts joking that it doesn't hurt very much (Don't ever say this to someone, it encourages them to cause you pain). She goes to try it again and she cranks it fricken hard! Now I'm thinking, "Ok, time for a lesson". An unwritten rule in our club is if you crank on, or hit, someone hard, they're probably gonna do it back to you! So with this in mind, I get into to position, and pull the choke harder than normal, not REALLY hard, but hard enough to get the message across.

Apparently, this hurt quiet a bit! She almost looked like she was gonna cry! She refused to talk to me or work with me the rest of the night. I felt kinda bad, but really now, if someone cranks me really hard I don't go pout about it! Just suck it up and wait till the sparring begins! :D

PPL like this really bug me. I've trained with a few guys like this; they go really hard on you, then complain when you go hard on them. I usually stop working with them. I don't mind ppl going hard, but you gotta be able to (forgive the cliche) take it like a man! (to the women reading this, just a figure of speech). And don't go telling me I should have gone easy on her just because she's a girl. She's was pretty good, and when ppl step on the mat, all I see is the Gi, guy or girl.

Well now I'm off to the dojo, I wonder if she'll still be pissy this morning!

It really depends on their level of tolerence. If she says it doesnt hurt then you should appply more force. If she says its too much then you should give her some slack. She is just there to improve herself. Let her build up her tolerence level. Everyone is there to learn basically.

When someone has reach a higher tolerance level then aplly more force later on so she/he can improve and build up etc.

[Now in cases of people who are mouthy, have their ego hyper-inflated and basically full of themselves. Maybe giving them a light lesson will smarten them up.]

I have recently noticed that the women I work out with have been more aggresive when doing stand up sparring. I have told several after they deliver a rather hard kick to the legs "If you want to bang we can bang." Only one took me up on the offer and stopped when she couldn't stand on the leg any more.

I'm not mean and don't think I was too rough. I'll do the same and have done the same to guys who want to bang away. I will not apologize for doing something you wanted to do and started.

I have to agree. If they start it you should give them the same extent of force in return.

The problems are:

1. Most students are male
2. Males will most often either go too soft because they are with a girl, or they will go too hard because they are with a girl.

I've had to ask a guy one time to back down on his force. He was a blue belt kicking the crap out of me during drilling. Most of the time I have to say "You can go harder than that you know, I am not a china doll"

If you step up your resistence by degrees, your workout partner will understand that you are letting them set the pace. If you just lash out, for lack of a better term, it just makes you look bad. If my partner is being excessive in my opinion, I just tell them, "remember, you're next, and paybacks are a bitc h." I say it with a smile, but the point gets across.

Man, this thread is still focussing on the gender thing...

I've had guys do the same ****, actually worse. It's not a matter of sex, there are wussy guys out there too.

I think this is the first Djimbe post I've read that made sense!

And Pizd, I did have a witty reply ready for you, but once I saw that flaming Avatar of yours, I realized that no burn I can produce will top the flamboyant geyn3ss that I coming out of you every day.

Originally posted by Sharlintier
I've had to ask a guy one time to back down on his force. He was a blue belt kicking the crap out of me during drilling. Most of the time I have to say "You can go harder than that you know, I am not a china doll"


I'm a 200 pound male but in a lot of martial arts classes and clubs, specifically ones that don't have much in the way of real sparring, most partners went too easy on me.

Like, if they were supposed to kick me for the purpose of a drill, they would just tap, or they would avoid actually doing a takedown even if there was a mat, etc. In those places, I had to keep telling people that even if they slugged me with really hard and devastating punch chances are overwhelmingly that I would not simply drop dead because of that.


Of course, things like that never happened in places that had actual resistive sparring, like a judo club or with a guy who was teaching me full contact kickboxing.

All this gender equality hoo-ha has made us lose track of the REAL issue: a guy letting young taco pass him by because he wanted to make some sort of statement. Way to go, ace, some other young buck from your dojo is probably making that broad work her oral wang-holds.

JKDChick would like to abuse her Admin powers long enough to point out: the above is a very stupid comment. That is all.

Originally posted by deepbluehalo

And this women is a naval flight officer. geez. I never willingly worked with her again after that.




You know what? I have a similar story.

Once upon a time I was in an Okinawan karate and arnis club. At first the club was taught by this guy who was pretty good. But then he left and the instruction was taken over by this woman who was gonna join the navy as some kind of officer. So, she has a brown belt in the karate, seems to have been doing the stick thing for a while, and is gonna join the military. I figured that she would be reasonably tough in free sparring.

So one day I actually am doing free sparring with her. We've got the chest protectors, the helmets, the santa claus foot guards and gloves, all the excessive padded 9 yards.

Anyway, the first thing she does is run straight at me and I throw a side kick. It hits her in the chest protector and she falls down.

Then I just step in and throw a few boxing punches to the protector and she gets totally overwhelmed. Afterwards she complains to me that I hit her in the chest too much.

But the thing is I know I wasn't really punching that hard and I was specifically punching her in the protector to minimize damage. I was also specifically intentionally sticking to punches to the muscular portion of the chest rather than power kicks to the body or leg kicks in order to minimize the discomfort caused by my attacks.

I was pretty surprised that her free sparring was so bad and that she was overwhelmed so easily, especially since she was supposed to be the most advanced practitioner present. I mean, I *know* that I'm only mediocre when it comes to full contact standup. I am *not* good at that. I should not be able to defeat an instructor like that without even breaking a sweat.


Anyway, this woman took over the training for the club. After that I rapidly lost interest and stopped attending.

I guess that was my personal up-close experience with McDojo..........

My school has a few students that are real serious and intend to compete etc., then theres the older group thats going more for the exercise and SD.

Once I was partnered with this lady, she would totally spaz out during drilling everytime I threw the combo at her, thought she was having epileptic seizures or something. I had to slow it down to the point where I was like "Okay, heres the jab." Sloooow jab. "Okay, heres the cross." Slooooow cross.

Thankfully, I have a partner who's got a similar build and he's serious about his training. someone who goes just for exercise doesn't buy imported muay thai shorts and ask where I bought my MMA gloves. he can dish out a lot and take a lot. sparring is a total blast with him.

Originally posted by Wounded Ronin
I'm a 200 pound male but in a lot of martial arts classes and clubs, specifically ones that don't have much in the way of real sparring, most partners went too easy on me.


I'm 200+ and a senior bb and I seem to be always telling the n00bs hit harder to the body, NO I mean HARD, is that hard, ****, pretend if you don't hit as hard as you can your grandma is gonna die, now HIT!

Then they apply that lesson to hit me real hard in the nose.:(

They tend to go easy on me because I am a 5'2" woman with manicured nails. I think they take one look at me and decide that I am there to watch ass rather than kick it.

All this thread does is show that you need to comunicate with your training partner. If its too hard its too hard, if its too soft its too soft, find the right level and then work that, you might even suffer a little pain finding that point, but MA's aren't incense burning and oil massages as we all know.
The other thing is that on this site the advocation is that sparring is a must and full contact is preferable. Although this instance was just in drilling, a person of any sex needs to be realistic about their training no matter what size, shape or gender and occasionally getting choked a bit harder than you like or being in an uncomfortable situation is part of that. She should of said "Hold up, too hard, a bit less next time". Problem solved.

um.. sorry but this is just not true. Communication
doesn't solve **** when they start weeping (I mean
blubbering tears and ****) cause they are frustrated.
When you have one person fucking up the rotation
it penalizes the poor sot who has to train with the wuss.
They just had to waste their precious training time
clicking sticks. Hell sometimes you *can't* even work on
technique. In the instance I related before the reason
(IMHO) why this NFO caught the rebound on her stick
was I was bored and contemplating a tempo shift.
She caught the potential intention and didn't pay
attention to her end. WAP.
In such a situation what am I supposed to do?
Train with the wuss myself and waste my time.. or
send on of the newbs over to waste *their* time (and
pick up bad habits).
It's a lose lose situation and when they start blubbering
there is nothing you can do.

It's been months since I thought about this.. apparently I
still have some unresolved fustrations about this.... :)