View Full Version : I've started training at a McDojo!

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6/02/2004 1:47am,
This is so fantastic. It seems to define the Bullshido rhetoric.

6/02/2004 1:59am,
This IS the best thread EVER.

6/02/2004 2:07am,
be prepared
quick photoshop

6/02/2004 2:30am,
I like the nunchaku at the feet.

6/02/2004 2:39am,
This is way too good. Why do I believe it? Because you just can't make this stuff up . . .

6/02/2004 2:39am,
AHH I wanna know what happens!! What happens if this turns into a hostage situation?? Bullshido will bust in to the rescue right?? RIGHT?

This has the making for an awesome Bullshido Publicity Video. "Sick of bullshit in the martial arts? Well so are we...and we are ready to kick ass to prove it!" *bunyip tied in chair at C.O.R.E. headquarters, with a bunch of Gi wearing students in low horse guarding the door. Bunch of people bust in, and take them quickly to the ground and choke them out. Then everyone gives the thumbs up, and winks* "Bullshido...protecting you from the bullshit in martial arts."

6/02/2004 2:40am,
Originally posted by JKDChick
This IS the best thread EVER.

I thought "ask a monk" was . . . whatever happened to that thread anyway? Or Wu-De for that matter . . .

6/02/2004 2:57am,
Originally posted by FledglingTengu
You ARE gonna go to THE CORE, right? I mean, you're gonna pass the white belt test, go to THE CORE, and then tell them that they are THE BULLSHIT and leave, right?? Please???
What makes you so sure that he will be selected for such an honour? He might not pass his white belt test! :D

[email protected] Of Rectal Entry! That's beauty.

[email protected] breaking the arm bullshit. Obviously those assclowns have never even seen a compound fracture before. You're just as likely to break your own arm doing that, not to mention ripping it open by dragging it down his broken arm.

Man, I should have been in bed two hours ago, but no way could I crash without reading the latest installment of this saga!

elfin vampire
6/02/2004 3:26am,
Practise two voices to take with you to CORE and your acceptance speech/white belt test.
One, a screeching, strained noise of alarm to talk with. The other a deep, groovy kind of R&B thing. Insert in the obvious places as you say something like:

"Listen, I just want to thank you guys so much for accepting me into my WHITE! belt and I look forwards so much to that day, many years from now when I shall be worthy of my black belt. It has long been a dream of mine to finally reach a black belt and yet this does not at all diminish the deep reverence in my heart I feel, for the attainment of this WHITE! belt you've all worked so hard for me to achieve. I only hope one day I can come and stay with you at your house. Do you have any children? *cough* Grandchildren?"

Also, continually refer to Mr X and Ms S as a couple. Like Mr and Mrs X, and whenever Mr X sort of has a particularly friendly moment, refer to him as Mr S (as in Ms S's other half).

I say annoy the hell out of 'em before it's over and you have to pay for the privelage. SCARE them with the insanity of the world they live in...and invite you to.

6/02/2004 3:29am,
The more I think about it, the more depressed I am that we can't see vid of all this. :(

6/02/2004 5:48am,
Originally posted by Dustdevil
The more I think about it, the more depressed I am that we can't see vid of all this. :(

You probably could, but it would be the most expensive video in the world.

6/02/2004 6:02am,
You should write a book, call it the Mcdojo experinece.

6/02/2004 10:52am,
Toothpaste, Peetree, I thank you both.

6/02/2004 11:41am,
Maybe he should go ahead and join for a little while, and we can take up a collection
to pay the first month(?) fees. I'm in for a few bucks if I can paypal it.

6/02/2004 1:44pm,
See if you can fail their whitebelt test.

I mean, fall on your ass while executing a simple kick, get the horse stance all wrong, etc. I bet they wouldn't fail you no matter what you did.

6/02/2004 2:26pm,
Notice that they weren't advertising the BEST instruction, just the most EXPENSIVE. Any business that trades on price instead of quality is on my suspect list from Day 1.

Get the address of CORE and post it here. More importantly, plan an alternate exit scenario in case you need it. This whole process follows a pretty straightforward pattern of indoctrination used by many cults:

1. Start by overawing the mark with boasts of "most expensive", "best woman MA in the country", and so forth. Impress them at all costs, even if it means doing stupid **** like teaching class in a 3-piece suit.

2. Tell them how exclusive and selective you are, hammering home the point that you gotta be special just to get in the door. Immediately compliment them by saying that you "think they seem to be the right type" or that you "have a good feeling" about them. Convince them they might be one of the lucky few to be honored enough to receive an invitation to join.

3. Teach them useless crap, but emphasize how deadly every aspect of it is. Amaze them with the mystery and power you are imparting to them in just the first few lessons, without any risk of them walking away with anything of use.

4. Sidestep the issue of cost... emphasize how little money means to you, even though you charge more than anyone else. Make everything relative, not concrete.

5. Use double-speak and circular logic consistently. Unable to figure out what the hell you are really saying (or not!), they will eventually give up trying and simply accept it all at face value.

6. Keep the mark coming back over and over, and make sure they meet lots of bigwigs, and that they know how important and wonderful each bigwig is. Instill a sense of obligation to these people, so that the mark feels like they should keep coming back to jump through another hoop.

7. Give the mark a Rite of Passage, in this case, a White Belt test in front of the high muckamuch him/herself. Impress upon the candidate that this will determine their fate. Make sure they feel it is up to them to perform for you, and not the other way around.

8. Following the Rite of Passage, separate them from their comfort zone and take them to a strange place. Conveniently have some of the others join you and the mark. This will make them more vulnerable.

9. Use the old carrot & stick approach... get'em to feel honored by the invitation, then get to the money. When they start to resist, work the guilt, back and forth until you have rights to their firstborn or at least one gonad. Get a signature.

10. Invite them to keep coming back as they can afford it. Get as much as you can up front so they'll feel stupid if they drop out. Help them rationalize why they feel weird about it with your choice of shitty platitudes "To be the best sometimes costs the most," for example.

After this, who cares? You've got them locked in and collected some fees up front. Give them shitty instruction with enough misinformation and they'll sell themselves on the effectiveness and wonder of the program from there on out.


Kinda makes me want to get all NINJA on some asses when I think about it! Of course, I mean "get all NINJA" in a www.realultimatepower.net sort of way that totally WAILS AND WREAKS HAVOC, not in a wussy Sho Kosugi kind of way.