View Full Version : I've started training at a McDojo!

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5/29/2004 9:21pm,
Oh my god. It's like Ultimate McDojo made love with his sister Uber-Bullshido to spawn the most horrible of horrible mutant babies.

One of the worst things is they have taken things I know to be useful and made them useless. Next time we meet up at a Throwdown I'll make sure to discuss with you my schools take on Dragon style/strategy and toe-heel alignment.

5/29/2004 9:29pm,

Sam Browning
5/29/2004 10:47pm,
Hey Phrost, how many of these schools doea bunyip have to review to make the hall of fame? I'm thinking 5-10.

5/29/2004 10:53pm,
5-10 to get ino the hall of fame? man, i should do a round up of all the aikido schools in auckland, thats at least 15...

elfin vampire
5/30/2004 4:38am,
It was about 15 years ago so it doesn't warrant its own thread (unless they're still around, I'll check that) but those of you from Australia might've heard of the "Kevin Hawthorne Ninja Schools" in Melbourne.
I'd just joined the city based Togakure Ryu Bujinkan dojo but was eager to study as many genre schools as might be in the slightest useful and authentic, visions of martial prowess in my mind's eye. And this school was more established than Togakure as far as dojos (ie. cash) went.

My basic inquiry led to a free introductory lesson.
"Three of our white belts went over to Togakure's dojo and beat up one of their black belts," I was proudly told.
Then I was shown the wrong way to use nunchakus.
And ordered to trip up another student as he sprinted past me during one part the lesson, in a clandestine whisper from the "Sensei." The guy was several years younger.
On some Saturday nights, it was mentioned they did some extra-curricular training at the local lake. They dressed up in black and terrorized people.

Yeah, they seemed great. I was genuinely impressed, had the "Sensei" not looked as if he'd just been released from prison I'd have acted more seriously on my urge to punch him.
You'd sometimes see their "company" cars, early model sedans with "NINJA 1" etc. personalized plates.
For a while they had trios of their "students" cruising public transport "for commuter safety" in red and black jackets with their insignia emblazoned over a mural on the back. Most of the time I just saw them intimidating anybody. I mean I weighed like 50 kg tops back then and these guys used to eye me out (must've been the sheer breadth of the combat challenge).

Then there's "Bob Jones Karate"....

5/30/2004 4:53am,
The Bob Jones CORPORATION you mean... ;)

I still can't believe he would actually admit that.

5/30/2004 5:11am,
What a bunch of shitheads.....

elfin vampire
5/30/2004 5:27am,
Yeah they really burned martial arts over here. Once I got pulled up by a couple of railway cops transporting some MA equipment from a friend's house where I'd been training the weekend. Virtually none of the stuff was on the prohibited weapons lists (shoge and all the "ninja" replica weapons had only recently hit stores and even so were cheap tin and useless for anything but real docile backyard training). Nevertheless I had the whole lot, my bokken and hanbo, etc. confiscated and a week later a regular cop came over to my house and offered to drop the charges that were going to be laid (butterfly knives however had just been put on the prohibited weapons lists and I'd had two in my back pockets).
If I told him quietly, just here and now that my martial arts school (Togakure Ryu and Wing Chun Kung Fu both of which I was a member), had said it was okay that I carry all those martial arts weapons on the street.
I couldn't do such a thing. So that was the source of my only criminal conviction.

Really, groups like Bob Jones (tee hee) Corp. and Kevin Hawthorne NS couldn't give a stuff about the damage they do. Bullshido.net is an awesome site. Glad as hell to see it.

5/30/2004 8:01am,
They confiscated your hanbo?! Man, couldn't you have just said it was the handle of a short broom or something? ;)

While I don't mind them confiscating knives a great deal, that makes me think I could be arrested for carrying a broomstick home from the local hardware store. :(

I still can't believe BJC gets away with its name... doesn't the name itself scream STAY AWAY?

5/31/2004 5:05pm,
Originally posted by Samuel Browning
Hey Phrost, how many of these schools doea bunyip have to review to make the hall of fame? I'm thinking 5-10.

5-10?! I've been to two lessons and my brain cells are already begging for tiny little frisbees so they can commit seppuku!

Lesson three will be up tomorrow.

5/31/2004 5:28pm,
I love how they are constantly probing you to find out your net worth, instructor have nothing to do with the tuition fees...my ass.

5/31/2004 5:40pm,
"So he showed me how a defense from someone attacking me with a pipe was hidden in the kata,"

Hmmm... Why "hide" techniques in kata? I'd rather someone teach basic principles that you can apply to various situations.

"Mr. X also explained that the throat and carotid strikes he had just taught me were extremely deadly"

Wow! He "taught" you throat and carotid strikes that quickly? Hmmm... Maybe you shouldn't write this instructor off so quickly, Bunyip. He must be a great instructor to be able to teach someone something so L3th4L after showing someone a form one time. :D

5/31/2004 6:01pm,
"if his sensei ever needed him at 2 am, he'd be there for him no matter what, and vice versa, and he hoped we'd have that same relationship someday"

Hmmmm... Riiiiight.

"defenses against haymakers, which no one actually throws. He was a boxer, so he knew that punches are usually much tighter..."

Oh, cool! So, if you ever have to fight a boxer, you're set! If you fight some bum on the street, though, I think you're screwed. ;)

"with your opponent on the 12, your toes point toward the 3. Your chest also faces the 3"

Ummm... So, what do you do if your opponent shifts around to your 9? Time for a kidney shot!

""sport" oriented schools teach you to kick with the top of your foot, whereas they teach to strike with the ball, which is more powerful and gives you longer range."

Man, if feel sorry for those poor MT SOB's. They need to learn a thing or two about power kicks. ;)

"Invite them over to stay over at your house for the weekend. EVERY lesson.
Follow them around after class. Scratch uncontrollably when they notice you..." -- Elfin Vampire

Man, that was some of the weirdest **** I've read in a long time... Welcome to Bullshido!! :D

5/31/2004 7:56pm,
BTW, thanks for new sig material.

6/01/2004 1:11pm,
I can tell one thing from all of this they don't kick to the leg when sparring!

6/01/2004 3:42pm,
I had my third class today. The goal of this class was to prepare me for my white belt test, which will occur at my next lesson. All the head instructors from the local schools, along with the head of the system, will come to observe this test. Mr. X made sure to impress on me how important these guys are and how I must be sure not to waste their time. I'm actually starting to feel a little guilty about this – I can't imagine how someone new to the McDojo scene would deal with it.

The recruiting has been quite impressive. Since my first visit, there has been a concerted effort to schedule my private lessons on consecutive days. I've never been given an opportunity to "go home and think about it", as I have been at every BJJ school I've tried. Now, all of a sudden, the top instructors in the system, whose time is "extremely valuable" will be showing up to grade my final lesson. If my performance is acceptable, the top instructor (Mr. K) will drive me, in his car, to the Center of Records and Enrollment where we will figure out the payment schedule. Mr. X told me to be sure to bring my schedule and an idea of how much I could afford, along with a check so that I could put down a down payment to prove my commitment. And although he has nothing to do with the financial side, Mr. X also managed to work into the conversation some more questions about my career goals and whether my parents were supporting me. Also, since my parents live together, I only listed my mother as my emergency contact, so Mr. X wanted to double check that my dad was still in the picture.

Most of today's lesson was review, to prepare me for the white belt test. I also learned how to kneel properly, and the proper etiquette for receiving my white belt. This took about 30 minutes. (Interesting fact: students wear their belt knots on the side, while instructors wear their knots in front. I think Mr. X said that this shows that the instructors are always ready for a challenge…)

I did learn a couple new moves today. There was the "back kick", or "horse kick". I chamber my right hand high in my armpit, then grip my right shoulder with my left hand. I bend forward at the waist and kick back with my right heel, striking the opponent in the solar plexus (or the shin, for someone of my flexibility). The gem of this technique was Mr. X explaining that I had to leave the kick extended long enough for "all of the energy to transfer to my opponent". Since we must always overtrain, that meant I had to kick my leg back, leave it extended for one second, and then retract it.

I also learned the "defense from kimono grab", which went like this: My opponent (who is presumably Frankenstein) rushes at me, arms extended, to push on my shoulders. As Frankenstein is right handed, there will probably be more force from his right hand, so I use his energy to pivot 90 degrees to my left into a low horse stance. My left hand pins his left hand to my right shoulder as I simultaneously execute an upward block with my right hand, causing a compound fracture in his arm. Next, I drag my arm back down his arm, catching the bones which are now protruding through the skin and ripping them free. This motion also jerks his arm forward, causing his head to snap backwards from the whiplash. I karate chop his throat (we had covered the karate chop earlier this lesson), killing him, because it only takes "3 pounds of force to damage the trachea and 5 pounds of force to permanently close it".

We also covered eye gouges, just briefly. Mr. X told me that most of the school's techniques take years to perfect, but eye gouges are nice and straightforward. If I was only going to be training for a few months, he'd teach me some eye gouges and send me on my way. And just in case any of you with glasses are feeling confident, be assured that they're no impediment: we just attack with a downward tiger claw hand – the thumb and pinky remove the glasses as the other three fingers tear into the eyes.

Next lesson: white belt test and my trip to C.O.R.E.!