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EternalRage
5/27/2004 3:56pm,
Pay them in Monopoly money.

Instructor in a 3 piece suit huh. When I was still with TKD, there was this one kid whose father got really into living vicariously thru his son's tkd tournaments. He would dress up in 3 piece suits too when he went to these tournaments with his son.

However, he was a good 225-250 pounds and was an ex undercover DEA agent.

Moral of the story: if they are wearing a suit its probably to distract you from all the crazy scars they have underneath from fighting over the last several decades.

EternalRage
5/27/2004 3:58pm,
Unless.... maybe thats the uniform u have to wear when you become an instructor!!! You have to wear a three piece linen made in italy suit. They probably have silk patches you can have sewn onto ur suit too.

Wow if thats wat instructors wear I wonder what the masters wear. Tuxedos? Maybe if you get real high in the ranking you can earn ur cummerbund.

Probably cost alot tho. Give them BoardWalk and a RailRoad and ur Get out of Jail Free card...

Miguksaram
5/27/2004 4:04pm,
Originally posted by Matsufubu
Bull-****, Mr. Han-Man!

Man, you come straight out of a comic book! ~takes karate ready to fight stance~

tkdan28
5/27/2004 7:56pm,
Miguk... what the hell is your avatar?

Chronomorte
5/27/2004 8:12pm,
The part where how much it costs is based on how much you've got is kind-of creepy.
I've had free lessons when I was broke and paid when I wasn't, but that's different
than basing it on income-level/profile. Hmmm

ghostwipe
5/27/2004 8:18pm,
posted by miguksaram-
quote:
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Originally posted by Matsufubu
Bull-****, Mr. Han-Man!
------------------------------------------------------------------------


Man, you come straight out of a comic book! ~takes karate ready to fight stance~



__
--Boards don't hit back.--

Sam Browning
5/27/2004 8:27pm,
Great reporting Bun-yip! Now for you're first lesson haggle with them up front about the price. I do not have a credit card I must bring the correct amount of cash!

bunyip
5/27/2004 11:19pm,
In response to the questions:

No, I don't have a hidden camera. No, Ms. S___ is not hot. And no, I don't have any good reason for leaving out their names, but it doesn't add anything to the story to include them, and I don't know anything about libel laws, so they're staying out.

Anyway, without further ado, lesson 1:

bunyip
5/27/2004 11:20pm,
I had my first lesson at West-Wind Karate today. I'm still not entirely sure what their "style" is. The first person I met with told me they focused on Shotokan Karate, while Mr. X, my instructor today, told me that their style came from Shaolin Kung Fu. He also mentioned that Ms. S___, whom I met yesterday, was probably the best female martial artist in the USA, but that's getting off topic.

Also, I'm getting ahead of myself. My hour-long private lesson today began with the Signing of the Information Form, which had blanks for my occupation and employer, my parents' emergency contact info (including occupations and employers), my driver's license number, and my social security number (none of which I filled in). Then my instructor and I had a little chat about my martial arts history and what I was doing now:

"Electrical engineering? That's very impressive. What are your career goals?"

"Well, for now Iím focusing on the Ph.D. Then we'll see."

"So have you had a chance to do any work with your degree already?"

"Just internships and stuff."

"But you've saved up some money from those, right? You realize lessons aren't free, right?"

"Well, yeah, but no one I've asked has actually told me how much they cost."

"Yes, that's all handled by our Center of Records and Enrollment. The instructors don't have anything to do with these administrative details."

Anyway, after that, we talked about how important respect for the dojo was, then how important respect for the instructors was, then how important respect for your fellow students was. I got a lecture on the history of bowing and handshaking, and then I learned how to bow. Afterwards, I got a 30 minute history lecture on Shaolin-do, which I'm sure would have been hilarious if I knew more about martial arts history. Mr. S talked about the 5 animal fighting styles of kung fu that they teach: tiger, crane, panther, snake, and dragon. I can sort of understand how people at one time may have thought that it would be a good idea to create a fighting style that imitated animals, but dragon style? How can you create a fighting style based on an animal that doesn't exist?

Mr. X traced the history of kung fu into the present until it became kenpo karate (which their style is evidently based on, also), and then talked about the revolutionary changes that Ed Parker and Al Tracy made to the style. Evidently before Ed Parker, monks would spend five years learning a kata, after which they would discover its applications to fighting. Parker's contribution was to teach the applications first, then the kata, which is a much better learning method, and coincidentally, how West-Wind teaches. Then he taught me a kata which went like this:

Step counter clockwise 90 degrees into a deep horse stance. Make a ridge hand with both hands by bending your middle finger slightly so it lines up with your pointer and ring fingers. Hold your palms vertically, facing each other, then extend them forward. Turn your right palm so it faces the ground, fingertips touching your left palm, then extend it to the right and bring it back. Make fists with your hands, hug yourself, then extend your elbows backwards in a rowing motion and bring them back.

Afterwards, he asked me what I had just done. I had no idea. So he showed me how a defense from someone attacking me with a pipe was hidden in the kata, and I was appropriately impressed. (Block the attacker's forearm with your vertical ridge hands, then knife hand to the throat, then elbow to the nose.) Mr. X also explained that the throat and carotid strikes he had just taught me were extremely deadly, as it only requires 4 pounds of force to crush the trachea and 8 pounds of force to crush the carotid, so I must not use this technique unless my life is in danger. I, of course, had no intention of ever using this kata in any situation, so I readily agreed.

He closed up the hour-long lesson by teaching me the West-Wind secret handshake, scheduled me for my second of four lessons tomorrow, and I departed.

Djimbe
5/27/2004 11:31pm,
Bunyip , you are now the Bullshido 007 , or Donnie Brasco or something .

This **** is the funniest thing EVA !

I cant believe that $$ **** !

Chuan
5/27/2004 11:40pm,
Good thing you did not give them your SS#. I cannot wait to hear about the cost of the school.

DuckofDeath
5/28/2004 12:05am,
Shaolin-do? Did he mention anything about a "hairy grandmaster," one Su Kong Tai Djin?

Also sounds like the guy got his info on the trachea and carotids mixed up--takes a hell of a lot more pressure to pinch off the trachea than the carotids.

J-kid
5/28/2004 12:37am,
lol pretty soon he will come back under mind control, he will be like the kata is the d3adly and we will all be destroyed :) ...

peetree
5/28/2004 12:40am,
good reading

alex
5/28/2004 5:05am,
roffleskates. a secret handshake? man i want IN!

Beavis
5/28/2004 6:01am,
It just makes you wonder about the mentality of their retained students.