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kendamu
8/15/2017 12:27am,
So, I was thinking today while trying not to tap out to a triangle choke from a blue belt that there's a very important element that's missing in the training that goes on at BJJ gyms. Sure, I have my black gi with the "Ninja" kanji patch on it (but I don't tell anyone what it says because being a ninja is supposed to be a secret). Sure, during warm-ups we do rolls to be able to go over stationary bokken at knee height and hip escapes so we can stealthily make our way underneath cars to evade samurai guards. I even go the extra mile and drop into a deep Ichimonij No Kamae when we start rolling from standing just so they know that I can run away at any time! Nobody else in class does this so I'm sure I'm way ahead of the game and Professor just keeps forgetting to give me my brown belt (I've already been training for almost a year).

The thing is, though, that the training at my gym seems to be lacking in Shuriken training. If I had a Shuriken with me while I was in that triangle, I could've stabbed the blue belt in the eye with it and won the fight!! I'm starting to wonder if this is something that Professor isn't actually well-versed in. He's a black belt in Judo and in BJJ. He's even competed in EBI and MMA! I'm pretty sure they don't allow shuriken in EBI or MMA, though, since they're sports and not real fighting. Should I instead look for a BJJ gym that focuses more on shuriken or should I smuggle some in and challenge Professor to a no-rules match. I bet if I stabbed him with the tip (JUST THE TIP) of a shuriken he'd see the error of his ways and start letting me teach the Fundamentals class instead of letting that purple belt talk about "proper guard passing" like some kind of arrogant samurai.






(No joke, though. We did some Judo today in the morning class and it was totally rad.)

Raycetpfl
8/15/2017 1:14am,
. He's a black belt in Judo and in BJJ. He's even competed in EBI and MMA! I'm pretty sure they don't allow shuriken in EBI or MMA, though, since they're sports and not real fighting. Should I instead look for a BJJ gym that focuses more on shuriken or should I smuggle some in and challenge Professor to a no-rules match. I bet if I stabbed him with the tip (JUST THE TIP) of a shuriken he'd see the error of his ways and start letting me teach the Fundamentals class instead of letting that purple belt talk about "proper guard passing" like some kind of arrogant samurai.

If you're gonna try to "Ninja" your bjj teacher I recommend you read all the ninja scrolls regarding removing a ninja star that's been turned sideways from your anus.

kendamu
8/15/2017 1:26am,
If you're gonna try to "Ninja" your bjj teacher I recommend you read all the ninja scrolls regarding removing a ninja star that's been turned sideways from your anus.

The fact that he even knows Sideways Shuriken Anus No Jutsu and he doesn't share it with the rest of the class is just absolutely insane!! I deserve every advantage I can get when I sneak around on the nearby golf course at night honing my ability to one day break into a heavily-guarded compound to assassinate the Black Star Master and avenge my Richard Van Donk VHS collection!!

Michael Tzadok
8/15/2017 2:41am,
Should I instead look for a BJJ gym that focuses more on shuriken or should I smuggle some in and challenge Professor to a no-rules match. I bet if I stabbed him with the tip (JUST THE TIP) of a shuriken he'd see the error of his ways and start letting me teach the Fundamentals class instead of letting that purple belt talk about "proper guard passing" like some kind of arrogant samurai.

(No joke, though. We did some Judo today in the morning class and it was totally rad.)
You should totally set up a no rules challenge match, but before you do here is a to do list to make sure you have all your bases covered:

1) Set up a twitch channel with auto-archive turned on so that you can live stream it and it will be around long after for others' viewing pleasure.
2) Don't forget to turn on the auto-archive feature on your twitch channel. You may not realize it now, but this will be very important later.
3) Be sure to inform your professor that this will be a no rules match and specify that suplexes of all kinds will be totally legal.
4) Set up a Go Fund Me for treatment of a nutty ninja with TBI and resultant brain damage.
5) Have a friend manning the camera that will be willing to zoom in and film the cranial fluid leaking from ears and nose after a proper demonstration of why suplexes are illegal in MMA and most grappling sports these days.

I wish you well in your endeavor and will enjoy watching your head get spiked into the tatami.

ermghoti
8/15/2017 9:31am,
If you are even asking if there's a situation where you shouldn't be using hidden shuriken, you aren't a fucking ninja.

Guy pulls a gun? SHURIKEN!

Bar fight? SHURIKEN!

Grappling competition? SHURIKEN!

Rolling? SHURIKEN!

Cell phone contract expired? SHURIKEN!

GrouchyOldMan
8/15/2017 9:27pm,
Is anyone else getting concerned with kendamu's growing obsession with all things ninja?

GrouchyOldMan
8/15/2017 9:44pm,
If you are even asking if there's a situation where you shouldn't be using hidden shuriken, you aren't a fucking ninja.

Guy pulls a gun? SHURIKEN!

Bar fight? SHURIKEN!

Grappling competition? SHURIKEN!

Rolling? SHURIKEN!

Cell phone contract expired? SHURIKEN!

Lunch meeting? SHURIKEN!


https://youtu.be/q3jVD2VlQlY

Christmas Spirit
8/15/2017 9:57pm,
Is anyone else getting concerned with kendamu's growing obsession with all things ninja?

He has a long and hilarious post history.
This isn't new.

GrouchyOldMan
8/15/2017 10:23pm,
He has a long and hilarious post history.
This isn't new.

I must have started participating while he was on hiatus or something...Thank you for being patient with the ignorance of my noobness.

Nutcracker, sweet
8/15/2017 10:29pm,
I give this thread 4 of 10 possible shuriken. Execution was good, but the premise is tired.

Christmas Spirit
8/15/2017 10:30pm,
I give this thread 4 of 10 possible shuriken. Execution was good, but the premise is tired.

Tired yes... but I was thinking more of 6/10 because it was kinda unexpected and out of the blue.

Nutcracker, sweet
8/15/2017 10:35pm,
Tired yes... but I was thinking more of 6/10 because it was kinda unexpected and out of the blue.

Unexpected and out of the blue - like a true Ninja, or like...







The Spanish Inquisition!

Our weapon is surprise. Surprise and fear. Our two weapons...

kendamu
8/16/2017 1:25am,
This thread, before I typed the body out, was originally titled "Are Shuriken Against IBJJF Rules" but my stream-of-consciousness went other places.

As for talking about Ninjer stuff so much, I've always had a soft spot for ninja stuff thanks to those totally tubular Turtles from my childhood that got me interested in martial arts in the first place.


17496

ermghoti
8/16/2017 5:48am,
Our weapon is surprise. Surprise and fear. Our two weapons...

Surprise and fear, and SHURIKEN!

GrouchyOldMan
8/16/2017 8:17am,
Surprise and fear, and SHURIKEN!

That's THREE weapons! I only prepared myself for surprise and fear, you sneaky ninja bastard!!

ermghoti
8/16/2017 8:22am,
That's THREE weapons! I only prepared myself for surprise and fear, you sneaky ninja bastard!!

Surprise and fear, and SHURIKEN! and an almost fanatical dedication to Hatsumi. And... oh, just start over.

We number, among our weapons...