View Full Version : I Have Been Terrorizing Co-Workers With Merciless Karate Danger: Please Help Me

12/29/2015 4:14pm,
So sometimes at work, things get slow and I get bored. So I start doing Isshin-Ryu techniques on them to alleviate said boredom. Don't worry!!! I don't actually hurt them, and I give them fair warning in advance. I will say things like "Watch out, here comes the Karate Apocalypse" or "Feel free to cry whenever, because I am devastating you with karate." Then I will execute a lethal technique from Seuichan kata.

They laugh, of course. One of them told me he did Isshin-Ryu as a kid and now he's homeless. (That last part is not a joke; correlation definitely equals causation.) But I'm not laughing. I'm crying. Late at night. In bed. Out of remorse for molesting their souls with my terrible Karate attacks. I can't imagine the therapy their skyscrapers will need. It's like the ending of Man Of Steel.

My question is this: How can I stop traumatizing people with Karate?

It is Fake
12/29/2015 4:32pm,
Take up Tai Chi and teach them about The Grand Ultimate Fist.

12/29/2015 5:00pm,
Hmmmm.....Grand Ultimate Fist....I don't want to blaspheme, but isn't that almost as terrifying as Karate Horror? Like isn't it pretty much that .GIF of Godzilla giving King Kong exciting head in your sig?

12/29/2015 5:01pm,
I'm guessing HR at Boyd's workplace is non existent.

Waiting for move to YMAS.

12/29/2015 6:22pm,
HR came after me, but then I did Naihanchi kata from five feet away and the entire department screamed in unison HOLY FUCKS and sprinted into a volcano.

In hindsight, burning alive was much more merciful than the Karate Holocaust I had prepared for them if they did not directly jump into a volcano.

1/07/2016 6:44pm,
Oh, I just meekly sit in my chair, and when people start to go like 'hey you do karate, right' and start doing silly kicks, I just say 'come on you surely can kick higher'.

Then they rip their pants in the ass/crotch area, and I laugh mercilessly.