Reasons for Infidelity

After Judo class yesterday, me and a few guys went out for a drink, like we do sometimes, to discuss class and world views :)
We started discussing The Passion, since all of us seen it, and since all of us liked it, the conversation moved on to “doing what is right” and of somehow got into fidelity.
One of the guys said that ALL of us are potential cheaters, we just haven’t meet the right muff yet.
The other said that fidelity is based on how well your relationship is going.
And the other guy said, its all about how much you are getting.
I, like the schmuck that I am, took the hard way, I said, at least for me, fidelity is about right n wrong, you are faithful to the one you love because it’s the right thing to be.
So, I got reamed.
Here is how I explained it:
IF I am faithful because I am happy, as soon as I am un-happy, there I go.
IF I am faithful because I am in love, then as soon as I am “out” of love, there I go.
IF I am faithful because I am “getting it”, then as soon as I am NOT, there I go.
BUT, IF I am faithful because it is the right thing to be ( personal honour and self respect) then I will always be faithful.

I have heard many people say that they would never cheat because the “love” their spouse, or because they have “no reason” to cheat, but isn’t this giving yourself an out?

Also, we discussed “what is cheating”, and my “theory” was that ANYTHING your partner thinks is cheating (within reason) is cheating, since it’s the partner that will be getting hurt, it’s the partner that defines what is infidelity.
Boy, did I get it for that one !!!!
Except when I put THEM in the place of the one being cheated on.

What do you guys think?
Are we ALL potential cheaters?
Are we above that BECAUSE of WHO we are or because of our situation and DEPENDANT on that situation?

"Are we ALL potential cheaters?"

Given the right input, I think yes. I mean, I like Shiana Twain's looks. If she came up to me and wanted to find the "true" meaning of sexual satisfaction I would be hard pressed not to show her. That said, things can happen in relationships. Usually, IMHO, cheating involves a breakdown on both parties parts. For me, marriage is a VERY important institution. I take my vows seriously. I have been happily married for 20 years. I can't imagin betraying my wife. But, things can happen. People can drift apart. Marriage or relationships have to be worked on daily to keep them dynamic and strong.....

Originally posted by ronin69
I, like the schmuck that I am, took the hard way, I said, at least for me, fidelity is about right n wrong, you are faithful to the one you love because it’s the right thing to be.
So, I got reamed.
Here is how I explained it:
IF I am faithful because I am happy, as soon as I am un-happy, there I go.
IF I am faithful because I am in love, then as soon as I am “out” of love, there I go.
IF I am faithful because I am “getting it”, then as soon as I am NOT, there I go.
BUT, IF I am faithful because it is the right thing to be ( personal honour and self respect) then I will always be faithful.


I second Ronin, IMHO fidelity has more to do with self respect and personal honor than love, sexual satisfaction, a good relationship or lack of opportunity. All those things go up and down, self respect should not.

I suppose I would also be reamed by my friends if I told them that.

But yes, I am a potential cheater. Emphasis on "potential", nowadays.

You forgot one - FEAR. In addition to being faithful because I'm such a stand-up, honorable guy (trying to stifle smile) I also remain faithful as I like my bollocks where nature put 'em (the fact that her whole family are just too damned big and slightly psychotic helps as well).

OK, I admit it, I'm with ronin, but it's essentially a selfish choice to remain faithful as it makes me feel better than being un-faithful. It's just where your priorities lie (which do change over time) and how stupid you are when it comes to believing you'll

a) not get caught
b) not have your relationship changed by being unfaithful

Originally posted by Onecardshort
You forgot one - FEAR.

OK, that too. In my case, however, my g/f´s family is actually nice and short.

The problem is that infidelity will definitely change your relationship for the worst, personal honor or not. If you actually care about the relationship, you don´t cheat.

Usually.

I have always believed that a key component of fidelity is removing yourself from temptation at the earliest opportunity. When I have seen it occur, it has happened because men/women have chosen to take one step, then two steps and then finally a diving leap into it. Then, of course, they'll talk about "the moment", when the first thing they should have avoided was eye contact.

There's a "race girl" in one of my classes who has been hanging around, waiting for me, stuff like that. Initially, I would talk to her about the subject, class, the program, but once I figured out what was going on I started politely avoiding her. Many would start a "friendship" and allow themselves to continue. I know better. I wish there was some sort of engagment ring for men.

So, it would appear, is DRD.

Originally posted by The Wastrel

There's a "race girl" in one of my classes who has been hanging around, waiting for me, stuff like that. Initially, I would talk to her about the subject, class, the program, but once I figured out what was going on I started politely avoiding her. Many would start a "friendship" and allow themselves to continue. I know better. I wish there was some sort of engagment ring for men.

When I started dating my girlfriend, there was this girl from the same course my girlfriend and I were doing who started hitting on me desperately. My technique was to casually mention my girlfriend during conversation.

Didn´t work, she insisted on talking to me, inviting me for a bar, etc. Had to avoid her like the plague (oh, the temptation - she was hot...). As the Wastrel said, there can´t be friendship with the enemy.

PS: I saw that girl yesterday when I went to the course for some papers, she had put on about 10kg (while my girlfriend has kept a great body). I was lucky as well as faithful!

The Wastrel makes a great point, removing oneself from the POTENTIAL of infidelity.
How many let their VANITY get the best of them?
Its so easy to let some sweet young thing into your life because your ego needs a stroking then all of a sudden, its not just your ego getting stroked.
Vanity, Al Pacino's favorite sin.

RONIN is right on the money, It is respecting yourself, your word as a man to your spouse, . The point made about avoiding the issue is also righton

If you think you are doing wrong you probably are.

If you mess around it will interfere with the love for your wife. No good can come of infidelity.

Now... would going to a rub-n-tug be infidelity?
how about getting blown by a call girl cause your woman is "not into" slurping the sausage?
Or how about getting a asian call girl cause its a "fetish" and your lady is NOT asian?
How about having a woman on the side because " she kisses our kids with that mouth" ?

It's going to vary from person to person. But it all comes down to "do you consider said action immoral?" ALl there is to it. Most people do the "right" thing, there are very few criminals, killers, rapists, etc who really believe they're bad deep down. They're just screwed up and have different moral codes than us.

That being said, I'll have to state I'm faithful because I love my wife and couldn't imagine doing anything to harm her. Yeah that arguably leaves me an "out" But my own morals wouldn't allow cheating. If I was no longer in love, I'd end the relationship and then be willing to see other people. But my morals of doing what's right stop me from being unfaithful because I won't be unfaithful, the reasons for not considering anyone other than her are love.

People need to give sexuality the recognition it deserves.

Make sure your mate and yourself are seuxally compatable BEFORE you commit so you can avoid this.

When you repress sex this **** happens. And a mismatched couple is not fair either. One is annoyed, and the one with the libido is crawling up the walls.

Originally posted by Nihilanthic
People need to give sexuality the recognition it deserves.

Make sure your mate and yourself are seuxally compatable BEFORE you commit so you can avoid this.

When you repress sex this **** happens. And a mismatched couple is not fair either. One is annoyed, and the one with the libido is crawling up the walls.

A valid point.
You pervert.

Do it Ronin. No one will find out. Just once and walk away. Do it! Do it!!