A couple of weeks ago in K1 we were doing an excercise where 1 person would cover up whilst the other threw 4 hard shots at their head and then you would immediately swap.

The guy I was partnered with was a big eastern european called Igor and for some reason I assumed he would know roughly what he was doing.

He hit me with four straits which I took on my gloves, I stared to return a jab, hook, hook cross but as he had put up only a vague approximation of a boxing guard my first hook caught him flush (it wasn't particularly hard but put him on chicken legs).

I spent the rest of the session feeling guilty as hell and watching his jaw turn increasingly blue and puffy.

Still as my coach said he didn't sign up to play darts.

Jonesing, stomach pump, shin lock (elbow btw. calf muscle+bone, double grip on foot), half Boston crab, sprawling into diaphragm, short arm scissors, top double wrist lock (keylock with wrist twist, hand grip, bone-on-bone pressure)...

Almost never use these, but sometimes you come across a spazzy neck cranker. Even then, not each time.

You guys are all saints:
1. Broke a guys hand by head butting it because he was dancing around the ring like Sugar Shane Mosley

2. Threw a guy in an airplane spin and ankle locked him for jumping guard on me.

3. Stomped on a guys chest and walked through his guard for jumping guard on me.

4. Folded a guy in half and threw him across the cage for trying to gogoplata me.

5. Talk on a cell phone while grappling new or low end students.

6. Read a magazine while grappling new or low end students.

7. Lined up my fight team and knocked them all out for not listening to me (Took 3 minutes for the entire team)

8. Broke a guys ankle for not respecting the tap.

9. Picked a 14 year old kid up by his gi jacket and pinned him a foot off the wall for taking a swing at me in class.

10. Had a kid do 1000 jumping jacks for his green belt.

11. Shoved a guys foot into his face popping his knee for trying a gogoplata on me.

12. Held on a bicep slicer while the guy tapped for 10 seconds.

13. Kicked a kid in the head after I kicked him in the groin...on purpose.

14. Kicked my sister between the legs because she wouldn't correct her kicks and she kept kicking all the guys there with inside kicks.

.........

Can't think of anything else.

Omega the Merciless, is truly... merciless.


While doing SD one-steps for one of my recent belt level tests in TKD, I used ura-nage on my uke (or whatever the Korean term is) landing him squarely on his shoulders and neck. I felt bad because I rattled his brains. I then got yelled at for using an effective judo technique for TKD self-defence.

Omega the Merciless, is truly... merciless.


While doing SD one-steps for one of my recent belt level tests in TKD, I used ura-nage on my uke (or whatever the Korean term is) landing him squarely on his shoulders and neck. I felt bad because I rattled his brains. I then got yelled at for using an effective judo technique for TKD self-defence.

I had a tkd blackbelt try to tell me how to do a hip throw. I threw my blackbelt in the middle of the floor and told him he could have it if he could get to it. (back peddling argument ensued)

I had a tkd blackbelt try to tell me how to do a hip throw. I threw my blackbelt in the middle of the floor and told him he could have it if he could get to it. (back peddling argument ensued)

That's great!!! Too bad he back out. :-)

Funnier part about that story is the other yudanja wanted to start learning actual throws as opposed to the abortions that they were teaching.

Good times!


I started showing some of them osoto gari. In our TKD syllabus, we have breakfalls included, or so I thought. I started with one of the instructors, a 3rd dan. I asked him if he was comfortable being thrown. He said, "yeah, no problem. I know how to properly fall."

I get a grip on his dobak and initiate the throw, full force at his request. After I planted him into the mat, his eyes bulged out as every cc of air in his lungs were expelled out. After picking him up and getting him breathing again, I asked him if he knew how to fall properly. His reply, "Obviously not."

9. Picked a 14 year old kid up by his gi jacket and pinned him a foot off the wall for taking a swing at me in class.

You actually made me feel much better about my shame for doing something similar while running kids class. We had a 12 y/o that was probably one of the most gifted athletes I have come across, but also had an attitude problem and was just a fucking prick.

Kid was "ADD/ADHD" and burned through a half dozen different programs and was still without boundaries. He would always take liberties with the other kids when he thought someone wasn't looking and would test his boundaries with the adults.

One day I was having them kids do focus mitt drills and this kid decides to take a swipe at me. I did something similar to you by picking him up one handed by the gi top pinning him against the wall and telling him to go get geared up if he wanted to "bang with the big boys" (which upon reflection sounds fucking pitiful). He started whining and blubbering that it was an "accident" and "he didn't mean it".

I then carried him into the head instructor's office by his belt like he was a case of beer, him dangling in the air simpering like a baby. Every so often, I get reminded of this story by one of my partners.

Not quite martial artsy, but:

My younger brother was working with a church kids program, and one of the little tykes needed an excorcism. I'm not talking about running around the room during crafts, I'm talking about walking over to the gas heater and setting a roll of paper towels on fire.

Tortelli the Younger grabs the small child in one of the pain compliance locks they taught us at the Corrections Training Academy, and bellows
"THIS WON'T LEAVE ANY MARKS AND IF YOU RAT ON ME TO YOUR MOM I'M GOING TO LIE!".

Way to set an example, lil bro.

You actually made me feel much better about my shame for doing something similar while running kids class. We had a 12 y/o that was probably one of the most gifted athletes I have come across, but also had an attitude problem and was just a fucking prick.

Kid was "ADD/ADHD" and burned through a half dozen different programs and was still without boundaries. He would always take liberties with the other kids when he thought someone wasn't looking and would test his boundaries with the adults.

One day I was having them kids do focus mitt drills and this kid decides to take a swipe at me. I did something similar to you by picking him up one handed by the gi top pinning him against the wall and telling him to go get geared up if he wanted to "bang with the big boys" (which upon reflection sounds fucking pitiful). He started whining and blubbering that it was an "accident" and "he didn't mean it".

I then carried him into the head instructor's office by his belt like he was a case of beer, him dangling in the air simpering like a baby. Every so often, I get reminded of this story by one of my partners.

Wow, very similar story; except I looked at him and said "You didn't really think that one out did you?"

you had the much cooler response, of course.

You guys are all saints:
1. Broke a guys hand by head butting it because he was dancing around the ring like Sugar Shane Mosley

2. Threw a guy in an airplane spin and ankle locked him for jumping guard on me.

3. Stomped on a guys chest and walked through his guard for jumping guard on me.

4. Folded a guy in half and threw him across the cage for trying to gogoplata me.

5. Talk on a cell phone while grappling new or low end students.

6. Read a magazine while grappling new or low end students.

7. Lined up my fight team and knocked them all out for not listening to me (Took 3 minutes for the entire team)

8. Broke a guys ankle for not respecting the tap.

9. Picked a 14 year old kid up by his gi jacket and pinned him a foot off the wall for taking a swing at me in class.

10. Had a kid do 1000 jumping jacks for his green belt.

11. Shoved a guys foot into his face popping his knee for trying a gogoplata on me.

12. Held on a bicep slicer while the guy tapped for 10 seconds.

13. Kicked a kid in the head after I kicked him in the groin...on purpose.

14. Kicked my sister between the legs because she wouldn't correct her kicks and she kept kicking all the guys there with inside kicks.

.........

Can't think of anything else.


You have anger issues.

You have anger issues.

I do? Please enlighten me oh ignorant one.

Back when I was 16 and almost completely fed up with TKD I decided to teach this 14 year old a lesson. He was constantly bullying the lower ranked AND younger kids during sparing because he was bigger than them. He was also preparing for his black belt test and outranked me by a couple of gups. After watching him bully a kid during sparring I was his next partner. I did nothing but fire off turning kicks as fast and hard as I could, then stop just beside his head. I would just alternate left, then right, as fast as I could.

Didn't ever hit the kid, but he was in tears at the end and I got in **** from the senior black belt on the floor. A few months later I was gone and trying out a Japanese Jujutsu club that had contact sparring.



Interestingly enough I ran into the little guy a few years later rocking his second degree black at a mall board breaking demonstration. He wouldn't even look at me when I asked if he wanted to spar for old time's sake.

You guys are all saints:
1. Broke a guys hand by head butting it because he was dancing around the ring like Sugar Shane Mosley

2. Threw a guy in an airplane spin and ankle locked him for jumping guard on me.

3. Stomped on a guys chest and walked through his guard for jumping guard on me.

4. Folded a guy in half and threw him across the cage for trying to gogoplata me.

5. Talk on a cell phone while grappling new or low end students.

6. Read a magazine while grappling new or low end students.

7. Lined up my fight team and knocked them all out for not listening to me (Took 3 minutes for the entire team)

8. Broke a guys ankle for not respecting the tap.

9. Picked a 14 year old kid up by his gi jacket and pinned him a foot off the wall for taking a swing at me in class.

10. Had a kid do 1000 jumping jacks for his green belt.

11. Shoved a guys foot into his face popping his knee for trying a gogoplata on me.

12. Held on a bicep slicer while the guy tapped for 10 seconds.

13. Kicked a kid in the head after I kicked him in the groin...on purpose.

14. Kicked my sister between the legs because she wouldn't correct her kicks and she kept kicking all the guys there with inside kicks.

.........

Can't think of anything else.

If half of that is true:

You are a terrible person

You're fucking funny

I'd consider it an honor to train wth you.

Take yer pick, no?

Ok I've got a good one:

2 Guys show up for their first class (Comp MMA) really, really stoned. Looked like they were tweaking (meth is an issue out here)

Pat takes one look and says to me and my buddy "make sure they don't ever want to come back"

So we start this drill, each of us taking one of them as a partner, where one partner has to resist being pushed across the mat while their partner has a plumb on them and throws knees and kicks to the body.

So I take my ill-fated partner, plumb him, and give him a shove with my elbows in his collarbone decent enogh to put him on his ass. Pick'em back up and start over.

I continue to pish him across the room, hitting him with about 30 or so leg kicks per rotation, for about 10 minutes. Also whipping and rolling the neck/head, as one should always strive to do in the plumb.

He then falls down, and literally refuses to get up for the rest of the 2 hour class, then limps home.

Good times.

7. Lined up my fight team and knocked them all out for not listening to me (Took 3 minutes for the entire team)

e.



Please post vids.
Or, if they don't exist, get coffefan on a rolling camera next time.